264. Song No. 4,009: “Goodbye to Yesterday,” Ben Lee
Love is the Great Rebellion, 2015

We gotta let go of the story
Goodbye to yesterday
‘Cause its over, baby,
And that’s okay

This is such a lovely, pleasantly and inspiringly (rather than aggressively and deafly) optimistic little treat of a song that, really, I can’t imagine anyone other Ben Lee not only making but also making sound this authentic and lived-in and deeply felt as a core existential tenant: If Jonah Matranga is the kindest guy in the music biz, I feel like like one scroll through his Instagram account is more than enough evidence to support the assertion that Ben Lee is far and away the happiest—if nothing else, he’s certainly the guy having the most fun with the life his music (and also ayahuasca) guided him toward and is sure as hell determined to bring everyone even tangentially in his orbit along for the ride.

As alternately grumpy and numb as I’ve been these past twoish months (but, honestly, ever since BFF moved now two and a half years ago), it’s been a breath of fresh air whenever Ben Lee’s stuff comes up in either this project or just in the general commuting shuffle. I’m at a point in life where my misery doesn’t want company but it sure as hell doesn’t want wan platitudes and empty warmth and toxic positivity even more, and the perpetually sunny Ben Lee is such an effective balm for my pissed-off soul that I’m honestly a little surprised I haven’t been leaning on his music and message more (though given how intrinsically interwoven he is into nearly 20 years of best-friendship, indulging too much in his tunes might be less self-guided exposure therapy and more rubbing salt in the wound right now). Whatever, the holidays are coming and it’s already been such an emotional slog that we’re still watching Halloween movies to take some of the edge off, so I’m sure I’ll be combatting pre-Thanksgiving Christmas carols and too many goddamn feels with my own music soon enough.

It’s actually been a skosh more than two weeks since I got back from my most recent PNW romp with bestie and her awesome-nice wife who already feels like someone I’ve known for years, and I am moderately alarmed at how infrequently I’ve dissolved into the shameless weeping fits that characteristically follow ripping myself from the warmth of an escape that’s essentially a neurospicy sapphic cuddle-puddle for the soul. Am I actually doing the thing and learning to accept that my favorite person I’m not married to is making a new and permanent home three times zones and an entire fucking continent away? Eh, I’m reluctant to ever admit I’ve stumbled upon a healthy life choice, so I doubt it. Am I so emotionally backed up over not really processing that my MIL has died that my typically freely emoting self has just chosen to shut down that part of my personality for a while? Yeah, probably.

For all the things that have happened and realities I have managed to start accepting after railing against them for years, my biggest problem remains reconciling my preferred time and space—both of which once included people I miss for all kinds of reasons and whose absence is a keenly felt hole, whether or not I’ve come to terms with it—with the one life has decided to foist on me. And while acceptance comes with its own brand of heartache, resignation and ugly truths that I would give anything to reverse, life is change and loss is inevitable, and all we can do is choose how to carry on while shouldering the weight of a world that isn’t its best version but is the one we’re forced to find hope in regardless, even when it hurts like hell.

And a brand-new sun is risin’
Get up, let’s get on our way
Goodbye to yesterday
And hello, hello, hello, hello today